Guest Article: Newsflash: Micromanagement Really Works by Ben

Breaking News: Micromanagement has the last word, now recognized as valuable business practice

“This is the best news since man landed on the moon” said one supervisor for a nationwide clothing retailer.

Just last week news broke that will change the face of the workplace forever. Micromanagement isn’t just a fad anymore, it really works.

Our subject matter expert, Ima Dum’he said, “I know, I know. This seems like one of those things that is too good to be true. But it’s not. I’ve always been a closet micromanager and now I can finally step out into the light proudly. This is a banner day for micromanagers everywhere.”

According to an informal poll conducted prior to publication, we have determined that employees are very excited about this revelation. In the words of one respondent, “Our employees are loving it. We have always hired people that needed some extra ‘direction’ at work, and now we have the proof to back up our actions. The fewer decisions we can leave for them, the better. I mean, we hire people but we really can’t trust them to make decisions on their own. We are actively developing what I like to call a “second check” system where all decisions are flowed up the management chain before we take action in any department.”

Some organizations are wasting no time in pursuing this latest best practice in the business world. Our HR correspondent, Stu Pidhead, told us that for companies to get the most out of micromanagement they need to have executives involved in every decision, no matter how small. He expanded, “Obviously the executives know better than everyone else, how else did they get into those positions? What your employees have to say is irrelevant. Just tell them what you want, all the time, at every juncture, and at every opportunity. They will be very happy to avoid any decisions and be told exactly what to do.”

Another key tip is to develop a policy supporting managers internally in their micromanagement efforts. This ensures across-the-board application and that none of those supervisors trying one of those silly, unproven “leadership” strategies can avoid using this necessary business practice.

We’ll follow this story closely as it continues to develop…

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Check out more of Ben Uebanks' work at Upstart HR